Teachers: Rosalie and Efraim Eisen, who live in Oregon, are helping young Israelis find their “bashertes,” or soulmates. The Eisens believe that every person has one. (Viva Sarah Press : Special to the Sun)

JERUSALEM -- Though the man sitting opposite her is a complete stranger, Ilana Kelson is confiding in him as if he were a best friend, trying hard to describe her vision of an ideal mate.

And she's not alone. Tucked inside an Orthodox synagogue in Jerusalem's Old Katamon neighborhood, 25 other newly introduced couples are having the very same conversation.

At the front of this large, airy room sit Rosalie and Efraim Eisen, an Oregon couple who have come to Israel to specialize in helping Jews find their soulmates.

You wouldn't think it would be difficult for a nice Jewish boy to meet a nice Jewish girl in Israel. But the plethora of personal ads in the daily newspapers suggest it is. And on a recent Saturday evening, Jewish singles like Kelson flocked to the synagogue to participate in an Eisen workshop designed for them.

During their introduction to the group, the Eisens -- he, 50, medium height and heavyset; she, 49, same height and medium-build -- say they knew when they met each other that it was meant to be, that they were "bashertes," the

Hebrew word for beloved, partner, intended or soulmate. Now, they've made it their goal to help others find their intendeds.

That an American couple has to come to Israel to help out the local Jewish singles scene may sound a bit silly. But Liaura Zacharie, founder and director of Eden 2000, a Jerusalem nonprofit cultural center that sponsors singles events, says the problems for singles, especially religious singles, aren't being dealt with sufficiently.

"Judaism revolves around family and it becomes an impossible mission to be single and religious and stay here," says Zacharie, a French immigrant. She began her organization seven years ago when she saw so many of her friends leaving Israel because they couldn't find a match.

A 1995 survey of Israel's Central Bureau of Statistics shows that 52 percent of Jewish men and 32 percent of Jewish women between the ages of 25 and 29 were not married. That year, there were some 50,000 unmarried people aged 25 to 44 in Jerusalem, Haifa and Tel Aviv.

"It's not like in the States where you open any newspaper and it will have tens of events for singles. Here you can open all the newspapers together [and find almost nothing]. There's nowhere for people to meet," says Zacharie.

While the Eisens' workshop is geared toward all Jewish singles, Zacharie says such a seminar is especially needed for modern-Orthodox. Whereas their secular cohorts often meet at discos or bars, and their counterparts in the ultra-Orthodox world still conform to arranged marriages, modern-

Orthodox women and men rely on singles events, such as this one, as a place to meet mates.

Though there are no current official statistics, Zacharie says there are at least half a million singles throughout Israel between the ages of 20 and 44.

"For the Jewish state, the citizens are the main assets. We don't have gold, we don't have fuel, we have people. ... We're supposed to care about others, and so little is done. The issue is almost taboo in Israeli society."

'It is not good to be alone'

"God says it is not good to be alone," Efraim Eisen, who wears a large knitted yarmulke, says in an interview the day before the workshop. Rosalie nods in agreement.

The Eisens, who were both previously married, met in 1991 in Philadelphia at the Jewish Renewal Kallah, a gathering of the Jewish Renewal movement. Concerned about Jewish continuity and the lack of opportunities for singles to connect spiritually, they developed the Basherte Workshop and for the past seven years have been presenting it to groups across North America. They have just begun offering it in Israel.

The couple's matchmaking plans came out of their own romance. Both were single parents looking for companionship. Both lived in small Jewish communities in Oregon, 180 miles apart. "People knew we were looking to meet someone," says Efraim, who married Rosalie just four months after their meeting. "No one tried to connect us. We knew it was important to create a new vehicle for people to meet."

Their goal is simple: To help Jewish singles find their basherte. The Eisens believe that every person has one.

Their workshop combines stories, Torah teachings, music and guided imagery as a means to teach relationship skills. While it is not aimed at a specific community, most of the participants are modern-Orthodox.

One participant, Rebecca Auerbach, 32, came to the Eisens' Jerusalem workshop, with hopes they could help her achieve one of her goals: "To find the right person for me to marry."

To such people, the Eisens say: "One must know one's soul to find one's soulmate." That's why much of the workshop uses probing questions and group discussions to have participants open up.

"We try to help people look beyond physical characteristics, to refrain from the love-at-first sight myth," says Rosalie. "We teach people to look at themselves and not to look at others under a magnifying glass," adds Efraim, who practiced as a marriage and family therapist for 18 years.

Auerbach, who classifies herself as modern-Orthodox, agrees with their philosophy. "You have to be happy with who you are. If you're always trying to figure out yourself you're never going to know who's right for you."

"They definitely are focusing on issues that a lot of people don't want to deal with and recognize," says Ilana Kelson, 30, who attended two of the Eisens' workshops in four days.

"A lot of people don't want to deal with the idea that it's not just about magically meeting someone and falling in love but is much more about doing your own work. You've got to be ready to be honest with yourself and with other people."

During the four-hour workshop, Rosalie and Efraim ask people to pair up and talk about such topics as a perfect Sabbath, an event one is anticipating, and the most "awesome" thing that happened in the last year. Then they take a step back "so people can meet each other." These organized conversations allow people to tell their stories comfortably.

It made it "easier to go up to somebody, even if you're apprehensive," says Auerbach, who went one step further and asked a guy she'd been paired with out on a date. That was Moshe C., a 35-year-old native Israeli. Although their date didn't pan out to something more, they each have one more person to whom they can introduce their friends.

Singles frustrated

Every Friday night and Saturday afternoon at the end of synagogue services, for instance, the streets in the Old Katamon neighborhood of Jerusalem fill with hundreds of young people. The men, in clean white button-down shirts and slacks, and women, in long skirts or dresses, stand in small groups, chatting. There are hardly any families among the crowd; it's mostly a group of singles. It's never announced and it's not planned, but it happens every week.

This swarm of people, mainly English-speakers, meet outside about a half-dozen synagogues in the neighborhood. While it looks very friendly, Liaura Zacharie of Eden 2000 says this gathering is often a reminder of just how frustrating it can be to be Jewish and single in Jerusalem.

"Everyone knows everyone," says Louisiana-born, Israeli-raised Roni Kaplan, 29, who attended the Basherte workshop. "It's hard to date someone who's already dated five of your friends."

Zacharie and her deputy, D'vora Greisman, who directs the organization's English-speaking events, say that while the group looks large, it is from here that many people leave Israel to search elsewhere for their match.

Kelson, who has been a part of this scene for nearly a decade, agrees that it is frustrating. Many of her friends have either left Israel for other Jewish communities or have gotten married. Still, Kelson, despite her frustrations with the singles community here, has no intention of leaving.

On the other hand, Rebecca Auerbach, who comes to Israel each summer, is going back to New York in September.

"In New York you have a lot of people. I would not move here unless I was getting married or I was married. I think my chances of meeting somebody in the States are a lot better," she says.

Such attitudes let Rosalie and Efraim Eisen know that they have their work cut out for them. They say they'll keep trying to persuade Jewish singles to let down their defenses.

"There are so many beautiful people here," says Rosalie. "We're trying to get people to look into each other's eyes."