Volume 103, Num 30
Av 17, 5759 / July 30, 1999

Couple Turns Soulmate Search into International Mission

It wasn’t exactly love at first sight for Rosalie and Efraim Eisen.

Instead, it was love at second sight for the couple, who are the founders and facilitators of the internationally attended Basherte Workshop. Unlike other workshops for singles, Basherte (Yiddish for "soulmate" or "destined") uses Jewish identity and spirituality as a means of encouraging participants to form meaningful partnerships.

"To meet your soulmate, you have to meet your soul" is the motto of the New York-based Eisens, who next week arrive in the East Bay to facilitate a workshop sponsored by the Aquarian Minyan. It takes place, Aug.8 at the Berkeley Richmond Jewish community Center in Berkeley.

When Rosalie, a former financial planner, first met Efraim, a marriage and family therapist, she "didn’t think much of it. I just wasn’t attracted to him," she said. Today she uses the story of how they met to illustrate the value of looking beyond the physical.

"We often walk right by our basherte because we put so much emphasis on the outer appearance. We have to get beyond that or we may miss it when our basherte walks in."

Eight years ago, Rosalie and Efraim – each divorced with teenage children and living in Oregon – met miles across the country at a large Jewish Renewal gathering in Philadelphia. They were taking a course on the rituals of preparing a body before burial when Rosalie shared a personal story on the death of her sister.

"Efraim was sitting near me and suddenly reached out, touched my back and took my hand. That’s when I took a second look at him. I looked into his eyes and saw what a compassionate and wonderful person he was," she recalled.

Rosalie does not believe it was an accident that she found Efraim, her basherte, when she did. She remembered hanging a new mezuzah by her front door the week before she met him, in a proactive symbolic gesture that she was ready to open not only her door but also her heart to love.

After marrying and having a baby, the couple felt so blessed by their good fortune in finding one another that they came up with the idea of the Basherte Workshop. It was a way to give something back to the local Jewish community. They had no idea that the workshop – which is open to Jews of all backgrounds – would become so successful. They were asked to expand it into weekend retreats, and to speak at locations throughout the country and beyond.

The Eisens recently returned from Israel where they conducted a workshop attended by a largely modern Orthodox community in Jerusalem. This fall, they will host their first Basherte mission to Israel.

They also provide a coaching service, designed to help individuals optimize what they have learned in a workshop. Also in the works is a new Basherte online matchmaking service, which will be made available to retreat and workshop participants.

A typical workshop includes such topics as how to notice relationship myths and patterns that have kept you stuck, how to talk with someone new and how to ask the difficult questions up-front. In addition, participants are given the opportunity to examine Jewish texts kabbalistic teaching and the Jewish lifecycle.

Chasya Wolley, an Aquarian Minyan member who is helping to organize the Eisens’ East Bay appearance, said the Basherte Workshop "is not just about finding the right partner – it’s about being the right partner."

The Basherte Workshop takes place 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., Sunday, Aug. 8 at the Berkeley Richmond Jewish Community Center, 1414 Walnut Street, Berkeley. $50 public, $45 for Aquarian Minyan members. Information: (510) 6655-8530

Debbie Cohen

Bulletin Corespondent